Happy tears from the comments left.

So many of you left comments on the "Dying for thinness" post. I want you to know I didn't take any offense to any of the things you guys said. In all reality it made me happy inside to know that you guys care enough to leave comments like that. The thing about the things I do is that I'm more or less on the edge of suicide every day. Then something good happens and I become okay with life. On other days Ihave found myself with that bottle of pills in my hand a knife and a glass of water sitting near by. At least once a month I contemplate taking the knife and cutting from wrist to elbow so that I pass out then swallowing the bottle of pills just to make sure I don't wake up. I'm an extremely moody person, and I am always at one extreme or the other. Where I'm going with that is that I have no real value for my life. Danger has never really been something that exists for me. In fact most days I accept it into my life with open arms. I figure if that's the way I'm going to die then so be it but I'm going to have fun doing it. I couldn't care less if i get to live the thinness either. I get complements on the way I look everyday. I'm a size 2 and 5' 6" that's supposed to be "the perfect size" and I don't care because its not about getting the attention of being thin. For me it's about having the control in my life. Everybody is trying to mold me into what they want me to be and I don't get to mold myself. This is the way I am taking control of myself, therefore my actions are going to be idiotic. Believe me when I tell you that I know what I'm doing is life threatening, and probably one of the dumbest things I could ever do. My response, I'll take the risk because it's worth it to me to know inside that I would do anything to be myself. This is me making it happen. On the same note (sort of) those pills are helping. Today I've had 215 calories 1 nonfat yogurt, 1 plum, 1&1/2cup salad, with 75 cals worth of dressing. I'm starting to think I hve multiple personality disorder? I have a brother with it and my step mom says that we act the same way and seem to have the same symptoms. I may look into it but I won't talk to a doctor about it. My other brother is ADD, and we trade meds sometimes. So he is getting Adderall here shortly and I guess He is giving me some because he is in pill debt to me. In case you didnt know adderall makes you focus and hate food in a sort of meth type way.  Leave comments and thoughts below xoxo Sam