How I met Ana, and some poetry. CW-123.6

Not to bad and not close enough. I still have quite a ways to go.. Anyway I just thought i would keep you posted. I just successfully threw away my dinner which I am oh so proud of having done. But I cheated on my fast with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.. Outrageous! I've decided I'm going to get more personal with my posts. I'm going to tell you where my eating disorder started today and I eventually plan to tell you all about it, and my life.
To start I fell hard for this boy I had been dating for a year. Then I moved from Arizona to Louisiana. Now I know this wasn't exactly the beginning at all but this is when it began to escalate. The move from one state to the next is never easy, and the day I left Arizona is the day my parents found my Mia diary. The entire two day adventure through Texas I was forced to eat the most fattening, and delicious food I think I will ever have in my entire life. I can't even begin to explain what was going through my head. Every time somebody said something to me I cried. Every time we stopped to get food I ate, dragged myself to the bathroom covered in tears, and attempted to purge without releasing even the smallest sound. I still gained weight, and when I made it to Louisiana I was watched fairly closely for about two weeks. After that, they forgot about me..
I remember the day it officially clicked in my head to simply just not-bother to eat anymore. I remember how good it felt when I didn't.  On this particular evening my brother A.J and I had been outside smoking.Once again he said something telling me how stupid I was, or how much better than me he is. I stormed inside the house, red in the face with frustration. My parents had ordered pizza and left it on the dining room table. As I stomped by on my way to my new bedroom I began to head mouth drooling, for the comfort in a box. As my fingers inched closer the rage inside me began to build. In an instant a whirl wind of change blasted in my face. I looked at the pizza still in a walking motion with my hands so close to the greasy pie that I could feel the heat on tips of my fingers. Suddenly something emerged inside of me and I just kept walking. My life changed forever. I-had-met-Ana...

How did you meet her? <3 Samantha

"We are going to be thin

We are the ones who will win

We want to lose weight

Because its are bodies we hate.

 

Is it looks people see?

Or do they see within thee

We need to do well

Cause we want this like hell

 

To be Skinny, to be loved

is what we're dreaming of

Girls Girls Girls we can do this cumon!

Dont you want to look good in that skinny sarong?

 

Rise to the challenge and achieve your dream

You'll be envied by girls and make the boys keen ;)

You want this, you need this, dont sink, just fly!

and in no time you'll be that Beautiful Butterfly"

The last two lines are definitely my favorite. (: