I'm back!

I’ve had a recent loss of identity. I was just watching T.V thinking “who am I? What do I want to be? What do I like? What do I want to amount to?” and I couldn’t answer the questions. I still can’t answer the question.  It’s a journey I’m hoping I will be able to embark on very, very soon. I’ve realized on November the 9^th I have my first cheer competition. I know we are going to fail epically, but at least we will fail together.  I just don’t want to be fat when we do fail and believe me right now oh-my-gosh am I a whale. My weekend consisted of getting high every night, and binging. I’ve had cookie dough, ice cream, pizza, peanut butter, chocolate bars, gummy bears, fried chicken, steak and potatoes but the rest is a huge fucking blur to me. I know I smoked a lot of cigarettes, and had tons of diet soda. I’ve got a solution because soon I’ll have no choice but to be really thin. My idea is a spiritual fast I want to be closer to my god. I want to prove that with my faith I can accomplish anything, and I will.  Some of you may be thinking wow this girl is really twisted, but I’m not. This fast may have a major upside to it but its purpose is for me to become enlightened and closer than ever before with god. I’ve planned it up until Halloween maybe later I do want to have a little strength when I go to competition, just enough to get me through it. Like I’ve said before one of my coaches is Anorexic, but I’m really not worried about her noticing, or anybody for that matter. I have school that I can become focused on, I have my brother pushing me to look perfect, and I have god. I think it would be nice for us all to turn our thinspiration into something spiritually enlightening, something that would really make us happy. So for the next 10 to 14 days I will be spiritually fasting for the main purpose of becoming closer to, and with god. Hopefully none of you are offended by this post, and maybe just maybe at least one of you will join me.

Samantha<3