Failure. Its cut into my wrist

It's not that I failed at restricting or anything, I've just realized how ugly, fat, worthless, and terrible I am at everything. i don't want to hear comments that say anything along the lines of.. No honey your beautiful and smart and amazing blah blah blah. Actually I would really prefer some tough love. I'd prefer to hear yeah your fat yeah your a failure you don't deserve anything. I am, and if you have something nice to say to me today then just don't say anything at all. I really hate myself right now and I want to keep it that way because that's what i deserve. No matter how hard I try at anything I'm always a failure, I always get used. I'm never the best, I'm never the most beautiful thing. I'm just some stupid annoying conformist all the time, I have a generic personality type. I get kicked out of schools, I'm a druggy and a terrible influence. I'm living in the past and I have a cocky confidence, too cocky actually. I get in my mind that I am okay, that I'm pretty amazing. The thought enters my mind and it shouldn't just because I'm okay at something I always have fucking flaws. I always cry myself to sleep at night i just want to die. I just want to be forgotten I just hate myself so much right now. I think it's never going to stop. I'm a dumb-epileptic-hot headed-fat-lazy-bulimic-emo-slut, that sums me up completely. I'm going to be some homeless fat whore one day because I have no goals. I have nothing, I always think I am going to do something tomorrow or that i could teach somebody something and I can't. the only thing I'm good at is hiding in a closet crying, actually two things I'm really good at getting guys to just look at me like a new fuck toy. That's all I am and all I will ever amount to. God kill me now.