Ana instructions in a dream..

It was the weirdest thing.. My friend who has lost a lot of weight recently, and does sort of look like an eating disordered person told me what I need to do to succesfully be ana(in my dream). It was so weird, I mean every night I pray to God that in the morning I will be smaller. Last night was particularly interesting because I read through my diary that I started back in 08', I have a date that I started purging.. Febuary 2nd, 2008 I was.. 13 I guess that's very normal but I'm 15 now and from my perspective I feel like I'm stuck in a 12 year olds life. I know this post is really all over the place but I'm super scatter brained, and I just, every time I look in the mirror my reflexion balloons and its so sad to see that every day to want it to be smaller. I also feel like I have extra skin and all of these fat rolls that i can really grab.. I feel disgusting.. I am disgusting. I'm not sure where all of this came from its really random, all of my posts are but whatever. Have a good day girls <3 Sam