Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Last night..

I was lying in my bed battling between myself and Ana, of course Ana won like usual. I'm not afraid of her for the most part but I am afraid of the thoughts that are becoming part of me. She decided i cannot eat until I hit 115.. Doing wonderfully so far I just bought 5 packs of cigarettes so they will keep me strong. Here is what scares me... You know how women naturally have hips and a little fat on them? I have a past of cutting and lately  actually every time I see myself I think I should cut it out.. Do you guys ever think about cutting yourself deep enough to suck the fat out with a straw? Also do you guys ever have dreams about food that seem so real you wake up in the morning thinking that you ate it and cry? That's what happened to me but then I realized it was just a dream.. Its scared the bujesus out of me though? Tell me about things that happen to you so I don't feel absolutely fucked up please!!!!!!! On the brighter side of life I've fakes some food today I'm very proud of that it takes some skill to do I think.. Lets all be happy morgans and kick this fat ass thing we all know we have going on. Kay? Okay(:
Happy, Happy, Happy as can be that's me! <3 Samantha
gonna be skinny, coming?: just because its sugar free doesnt mean its calorie free.
Posted by Samantha Bell at 11:26 AM

3 comments:

  1. a friend of anaAugust 31, 2011 at 2:32 PM

    hey I'm not eating until I reach 111 go us!! :-)
    oh i have the weirdest dreams... they get worse when I eat though. like the crazy scary wake up screaming dreams only come when I eat normal. I have had weird food hallucinations like though. like all of a sudden i will definitely taste something in my mouth. usually fresh bread for some reason. hmmm as for the cutting... i am proud to say i have not cut in years now... so not sure about the straw thing. stay strong girl!! you will be 115 in no time!!
    <3

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  2. ednos LinnyAugust 31, 2011 at 3:17 PM

    I am not a cutter never really have been but I must say the thought to cut my thighs open then cut a big chunck out of them so when the doctor sews me back up my thighs might be smaller has crosses my mind before. I really hate my thighs they are my enemy! good luck and stay strong.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Samantha BellAugust 31, 2011 at 6:14 PM

    Thank you guys really it means a lot to not be alone (:

    ReplyDelete

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