Soul sick.

I was being a Facebook stalker (because I'm a stupid loner) and I was looking at my ex boyfriends page. While I was on there, I saw that he took some girl to one of his dances. He refused to take, or let me go to dances. I wanted to scream! I missed out on important parts of my life to spend time with him and he does this! It's not like I'm dating him but he always said things like "dances are stupid, and a waste of money and time." I didn't know any better because of course I'd never been. Why? He wouldn't let me. It's been months since we've been together, over six months. I really have no reason to be outraged I just.. I feel betrayed. I loved him but he was just bad for me. Right now I'm trying to come to peace with our break up and trying to figure out why it was so unhealthy. I keep wanting to say "we" as if the two of us were still a couple. I want to move on. I've had sex since then. Meaningless sex but still sex. I've made out with other people. I've had a bit of a life since we broke up but it's all been meaningless. I need somebody there for me again. Not him, not like him. But men are scary I say this with the following in mind.. Men are sexy plain and simple. They are! But if their too strong physically they can do terrible things and make you do things your completely against. Or even make you do them out of fear.. Now if their mentally strong they can do the same thing very easily! Only with their mind. You follow? But the worst is when you love them and it happens. They abuse your love. I feel like that's what I have. Nothing. Just the debris left over from ground zero and I'm lying there underneath the ruble screaming for somebody to help for somebody to fix me. For somebody to save me from my life, but they aren't coming nobody is coming.. I'm stuck and my only way out is death. Figuratively. SO does this mean it's time for me to go through a sort of metamorphosis? Grow my own wings and fly out of the ruble into the sky, and find my potential. My confidence. My reason to be.