127.2 this morning

I'm not going to lie to you I snacked.. A lot I let myself go I will pay for it I know I will I'm not feeling good about myself and my other thinspiring friends are starting to quite on me. I mean seriously we all struggle together I thoughts that what this was a support system.. Whatever I want to crawl up in my cave and be alone but I can't ever be alone its just one punch in the stomach after another I am in a futile mood and I'm ready to pounce! Seriously. I kid you not.  I want to kill some bunnies and well just a lot of people. I want to hurt everybody just like they hurt me. Because nobody will listen anymore I'm so alone. Always alone.
okay so today i had..
6 hot cheetoes
1/2 a thing of starbursts
1 skinny caramel machiato from starbucks
1 bk stacker from burger king...
1/4cookie and 1/4 a brownie
I would consider that a binge. I really didnt need the burger king.. i asked and didnt think that he would say yes but he did.. and i didnt puke it. I hate myself. I really do I can't even starve right anymore I hope ana will forgive me and that tomorrow it will not show on the scales how horribley I did.. that it will in fact do the opposite maybe.. that just maybe maybe i could be thinner just this once and i promise it wont happen again.. I wont let it.. I pray to ana some times.. Actually a lot.. Every night.. Right now I just want to pray and have her know that I am so sorrry for my binge that I need her iron strength tomorrow when I face those doctors again. That I know that I am no where near getting caught and that I think I can make it to my goal of 120 by monday. If she will just help me today and be there for me when nobody else is. She promised she would help me, help myself. I just had to give her everything. I mean fuck these doctors are trying to figure out why im having seizures, I could probably tell them its from the constant change in what I allow my food intake to be. I don't really have a strict thing but I think i should start because Im a very unorganized almost anorexic. I want to be perfect 100% and these slip ups are making me anything but. Not to mention I'm fat. I'm still fat and i hate it.