Friday, January 6, 2012

Sorry I haven't posted.

I don't even know what to say. I'm a little blue, a little more grey-blue. I can't sleep and I can't eat which is working to my advantage I suppose. I've gained and lost but since I haven't slept I don't know my actually weight.. I did weigh though, it came out to 136.4 or .6 I'm not sure I don't really remember. I guess since I don't really have anything to say I'll just tell you what I've eaten in the last two days.
Yesterday I had 2 pieces of toast, 3 glasses of milk, 1 and 1/2 bowls of captain crunch, and a piece of a piece of boiled chicken.
Today I've had half a fruit smoothie, a few Cheetos, and some coffee.
I guess that all adds up to quite a bit. Yesterday's intake was probably 600 cals and today's was most likely around 250. I don't plan on eating more today at all.  I am sooo fat. Although I do love my milk, and just drinking three glasses a day has helped me lose weight. I think it's due more to the fact that I'm lactose intolerant, not that I'm just drinking milk. Milk for me acts as more of a laxative. I think it's nice though because every time I drink milk within half an hour I need to visit the bathroom. Oh I guess I should tell you.. My mom drug tested me yesterday.. I used this trick I know to pass it (I've used this trick in a doctors office and they didn't know xD) Anyway I did pass, and my parents are so proud of me but I feel so guilty. I've never felt so bad in my life. My parents have NEVER said they were proud of me before now....  At least not this vocally. I'm a terrible-horrible person and that's why I'm fat. Only bad people are fat but I'm going to be good. I'm going to be thin beautiful and sweet. SO I think I like this guy but I don't actually now what a crush feels like anymore. Due to the fact that I'm still in what my friend Joey would call "a dark trust less shelter" whatever. Sometimes I think I could do better than him but other times I feel like I don't deserve him.

*sigh*  Samantha.
Summertime is coming quick.






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