A pound a day will get you to your goal weight!

My scale suddenly switched back to lbs. so I had to look up how much 60.6 kg was so that I knew how much i weighed yesterday which was 133.6, such a fatty right. Today I'm 132.2 not bad I'm still working on that whole drop 10kg though so I'm really going to pay attention to it. I looked up how much I weigh in kg and it's 59.9kg a much larger loss than the day before yesterday. I know for a matter of fact i could have lost more than I did yesterday i was doing great i was at 300ish  calories I'd had 4 crackers 90cals 8 Cheetos 140 and a salad covered in sirachi hot sauce with 2 peppers 20 cals.  I never actually did the adding for it but I know I did super well until they brought home burger king.. and I ate a burger and some fries, not all the fries just some of the fries. I had the potential to lose another pound yesterday and i ruined it. I'm so angry, but I'm going to fix it today I am so sick of being over 125. I hate not feeling my ribs and my muscles.
Elle darling, for the cotton ball trick there is no certain cotton ball you must use. I'm not exactly sure about the safety I'm going to assume if you did it everyday it would probably be a problem. So maybe once a week for a few days would be alright. Now for the swallowing directions. I've found it's easiest to do when you cut the ball in half, or even fourths then dip it in water after that squeeze all the water out so that its smaller and easier to swallow. Then place it in the back of your throat, and swallow the cotton ball just like a pill take with water with water. You need to hurry and swallow at that point because as the cotton ball goes down your throat its going to expand and you-will-feel it. But if you keep drinking water at a fast pace it will go down more easily and faster. Take two or three cotton balls in the morning, and drink water occasionally throughout the day you will stay full ALL DAY LONG! But don't just take my word for it, do it and you'll see. :) I actually got this tip from a v-blog on Pretty Thin. A very long time ago. I also need to add from personal experience I've found it absolutely impossible to purge with them in your stomach so don't get bored and eat. There will be no excuse to eat anyway.
For the ladies with children, when you were pregnant did you dream about it? I've been dreaming about babies a lot.. I know I probably sound crazy but I'm still really worried about it.. Oh, lord..
I've decided we all have a goal starting the second you read this. We are going to lose a pound a day until December 25th, or Christmas. It really doesn't matter if you celebrate Christmas or not your doing this. I don't feel like we should have new year resolutions to lose a bunch of weight we should be thin for the pictures they are going to take of us on that day, and say something cute like oh I just want to find the perfect man or something adorable because we are already really thin. Don't you think that's a good idea? Lets do it!!!

Tah Tah For Now <3 Samantha

Tip 1

drink coffee it will quicken your metabolism!!

60.6kg

Look I'm aiming for 50kg by Saturday I'm going to work my ass off. Every time i lose 5kg I'm going to allow myself to size up my gauges. (: I'm not sure how much 5kg is anyway but like I said it seems appropriate. I'm going to try and lose 10kg before Saturday if that's even possible. I'm on a fast, just a water fast i feel like it's going to be way more efficient than having coffee and diet soda in there too. I feel like those are just big teases and i hate them with a burning passion for doing that. Anyway Saturday as I've announced already is in fact my Cheer competition. Where I will stand on a stage and do flips in a mini skirt. Now that I'm thinking about it I'm really scared and don't want to have to stand in front of hundreds of people doing that. Now that i'm fat I reallly don't want to have to do it... At all.... I wish i could just back out, i wish that the team didn't have to depend on me. I wish I wasn't so scared. Since i already cant sleep because of that I might as well make it harder by fasting right? Ha whatever i'd rather be an insomniac and skinny than fat and laughed at. There will be a 2 hour drive to Flordia for it and I'm assuming afterward they are going to want to go out to eat.. I am going to try as hard as I can to avoid that just say I'm so hyped on adrenaline that I have no appetite. I'll think of an excuse. Do you remember the cotton ball trick? If you cut a cotton ball in half and swallow both halfs maybe take 3 or four of them, it keeps you super full all day and has virtually no calories. Thats how I usually get through the first three days of a fast after that i'm good and can do it all by myself.

<3 Samantha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o39AxRZYHek

this is what I'm talking about when I say cheerleaders. Crazy shit like this. 

I am so goddamn scared 

look at the girl in the background. There is a reason she is in the background.

Is this taylor momsen? I think so xD

I lol'd because it's uneven xD

Sry for making fun of people but yeah oh I want to show you a cheer tastrophy too lol 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtxzfmAywAI&feature=related

I've seen this happen ^^^^^ believe it or not it happens A LOT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWGiRbMuTqM&feature=related

and this one is just badass lol

Molly Reid shut down.

So I know, I've been gone for almost a month. I apologize, I don't exactly have an excuse or good news. i never have good news damn. I want to go back to this summer when I was doing ubber well because I wasn't getting high. Fuck. Whatever I'm not going to be negative about this anyway.. Now that I'm here I just wanted to say O.M.G I MISS YOU LADIES! :') Okay now that that's been covered, I think Molly Reid is in recovery or simply got shut down. Her blog says "shut down" which really blows.. I dunno I wish my phone hadn't been stolen other wise I would text her and see what was going down. Last time I did talk to her that's what she said was that she was in recovery. I let her know I support her and if any of you followed her and had her number I suggest you text her and do the same. :) She could probably use a friend to help her along. Onto some other stuffs how were your Halloweens and thanksgivings? I'm still eating pie l.o.l... I had a slice this morning and a green apple along with Starbucks Christmas blend he he. Somebody set my scale to kg so its a pain in the ass to find out how much i weigh.. I'm 60.8 kg which is 133.8, and remember that's after the pie, the coffee and the apple. dammit if I hadn't eaten I would've been able to say I weighed less. Well fuck me side ways because now I am going to work my way down to 50kg (I don't even know how much that is and don't tell me okay?) It seems like ten pounds to me and I'm not going to check until I get there. SO don't tell! Oh, I have a cheer competition this weekend. Scary stuff bro.. Not to mention I started gauging my ears this weekend for those of you that don't know the sizes before 0g go like this 16g, 14g, 12g, 10g, 8g, 6g, 4g, 2g, 0g. Now that you know I'll explain where I am and what happened like an hour ago. I'm at a 10g which is kinda fast for somebody who just started gauging on Friday. I was cleaning my gauges not even 20minutes ago. I was using my 8g tapers to make sure my ears didn't close during the 15 minute ordeal. It was just an extra precaution, but one of them slid all the way through and I was all like FUCKKKK because that made one ear 8g and the other one 10g so then i tried to put the taper through the other one and sadface it wouldnt go so again I was like dammit. but then i put the 10's back in because its pretty ghetto to have 2 diff size gauges. Once again, I say sad faces because I was really excited to be an 8 beeeecauseeee that makes me 4 sizes away from my goal of 0, maybe i'll go to 00 (one size bigger than 0) just because I want to be able to put my pinky through my ear as well as a sharpie tehe. alright lovlies byebye.

<3 Samantha

this picture is so you know what the sizes look like when I talk about them

You guys make me laugh

I just have to say all the comments that have been left recently made so happy. I really hope this works I'm starting to really doubt the whole pregnancy thing but you can never be too safe ya know? As for the loss of babies that was unintended I'm so sorry..
But I do need to add I will never be a "15 and pregnant" Also in the post I added 5 minutes ago before this one I forgot to put what was running through my mind last nigh. I was laying in bed, punching scratching my stomach and stuff when it hit me, no pun intended. I am a teenager this is the best time of my life this is the time I am supposed to be the most beautiful I only get this one chance for it this one opportunity to be my best so why ruin that you know? Oh i think it's too late for the day after pill now I think.. Not to mention im broke. Whoops, whatever not the point off topic sorry. So that was really motivating for me to think okay this is my one chance my one life my one day that I will be 15 years and 193 days old. I will never be 15 years and 193 days ever again. EVER!!!!!!!!!! Can you believe that? This day is the one day that I get this day and thats what has me motivated is that today can be constructive towards tomorrow. I'm making today constructive towards tomorrow. Now I know that I will be high tonight because my friend got this really great kush for her birthday yesterday and being her best friend she is smoking it with me. I can't decide if that's good or bad.. I just don't know. It's good and bad, its a sword with a handle but i'm holding it by the blade. So I need to be careful so I don't cut myself and fill the cut with fatty foods. That's a really bad metaphor for sam needs to be careful tonight so she doesn't eat she needs to hold the sword by the handle and cut the fat off her bones. Hey that made sense I'm so proud of myself (: I'm in such a fantastic mood I am soooooooo happy <3 you all you are allllll just soo amazing (: Don't forget to read the post I just posted right before this one!

<3 Sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

I'm going to assume. -1.4. It's 3:00pm here

I think since I posted last that I've lost 1.4lbs. I think I was 130 then and today I was disappointed when I was 128.6. What is it with the .6 all the time! I can never just be a flat 128, 127,126,125,124,123,122,121,120. Ever It's always .6 fuck you point six you are my nemesis and I will kill you! Te he, I am in a very okay mood I realized I sort of have to eat but just a little bit not much. So today I've had diet mountain dew, black coffee, and 1 green apple. Everyone is always like yeah those help you lose weight and keep you filled up. I will take there word for it and if I rid of .6 today then I'll be a happy camper. I'm going to work out today (secretly). I think I really do need to beat the .6 and I really hate being over 125 at all it makes me feel super fat. But we all already know the mission in this whole thing. I found these videos online of this anorexic in recovery, she is doing a terrible job her first video she was normal (just out of rehab) then the next video she is 20lbs lighter... I'm sorry but you don't just lose 20lbs in a few weeks without an eating disorder. Anyway she has some great tips and she really helped me. My favorite tip is just taking a deep breath and just asking yourself, why am I about to eat? Usually you aren't hungry. If you are wait for 15 minutes make yourself do something productive and then after you've finished that you usually aren't hungry you are busy and can think of things to do that aren't eating. If you wait 15 minutes again then thats more time thats gone by with out you eating. When you do eat, eat in moderation. Put a small amount of food on your plate and leave some there too, never eat everything on your plate that's just ridiculous. As we all know we should set a time that we absolutely cannot eat after her tips help you to not binge at night, and just not binge ever. I really love it I'm going to put her video up down here..

<3 ya'll Sam.

I spoke too soon I can't find her videos anymore wtf? okay whatever Happy starving!

Research is a scary thing.

I just realized I had sex (an hour ago) on the most fertile day I possible could have in my entire life. FUCK ME SIDEWAYS! dammit cuss word, bad word, swear word, fuck. I also failed to use protection again. Then I did some research and what do you know, I am an idiot. Want to know the first thing that popped in my head when I read that? Fucking starve yourself. Even if I am prego, starving myself will kill it. So don't eat don't worry. I'm just trying to think about this, because if I don't get a period due to pregnancy but I'm also not eating and I don't get one because of that then I'm screwed. Oh and I'm not talking like ABC bullshit where you eat a little here and there. No I'm talking like fucking starve Ethiopian style. It's not about weight it's about death. So I doon't give a rat's ass food isn't in my life. I am soooooo scared because (and I hate to be so graphic about this) but the whole pull out thing wasn't exactly, well completely pulled out ya know? lol IDK how to put that, if you get it then you get it if not then oh well. But I could r

<3 Scared Sam

  

this barbie doesnt have babies

So I need to add that I'm an idiot and at least 100 lbs thats what I need to be to get semi under weight thats when I will be able to start the ABC and get thinner ya know? Yes you know, okay then. I have no idea how much I weigh btw. But its not for long I have to fix what I may have broken in the next month or two. Otherwise im fucked.

Fucking sex.

I had sex with this guy, and I feel so fat. I also feel like a whore and I feel stupid. He has a girlfriend but now he is breaking up with her. That would be my fault, he also is the best I've ever had So i cant say I have a huge problem with it. Because it was great but it does bug me that I enjoyed it so much. I mean it was fantastic but I'm fat so today is day 1. its 3:30, and like I always say I cant get my hopes up. I'm assuming I've already hit 500 so thats it for me. I'm choking down a diet mountain dew yummy, and i have my 2 liter of water again as well so I will be okay today. Oh so the kid i had sex with is 18, I am 15. That, is bad. I'm terrible right? I know. I think I'm like 135.. Ewww I have been eating normally which I'm actually going to say is good because its going to trick my metabolism. Oh and I have a gag reflex that is just making me throw up all the time. All the time, every day actually xD we even got it on video when i was really stoned I'll see if i can get it from my friend and post it. I'll try but since I'm back to ABC, I was a rape victim for halloween that was so cool. I was scaring little kids left and right. Even people who knew me were freaking out. And random people would look at me and scream it was FANTASTIC! Anyway I feel like a worthless slut sooo yeah fail on me. <3 Sam