Friday, May 13, 2011

Heart Hurts..

I was throwing up. & I believe I found chunks of my esophagus in it or something. It was a weird texture and as soon as it came up there was a lot of dizziness which is okay I love the high of dizzy I don't know.. But my heart hurt as well, it still hurts actually.  I didn't know if I should tell you but I think I should. I'm so indecisive. I know I can't tell my family. Also all of my friends think i have skin cancer we shall see, we shall see. Part of me hopes I have to have chemo therapy or something cool like that! Then I would loose tons of weight, but I'd loose my hair but it would be okay because then it would grow back and I would be all that much closer to zero!!!!!I hate food. I'm just saying, it's poison to your body in so many ways and is so fatty. I hate it I hate it I hate it!
100+100+110+50+120+80+100=540 calories... today
I am so ashamed of that number.. that's 220 over what I wanted..
I told you food is poison. Also I didn't throw up today and I hate myself.
I really have failed you guys..
But I saw the oreos and I didn't eat them I saw them and didn't eat them! I am so proud of myself for that
being all bulimic and stuff that is really hard.

2 comments:

  1. i know what you mean! i went over too!): it really does suck! ive always wanted to have cancer for the chemo part think of how much weight u would lose! and you would be sick all the time you could never eat with out throwing up!!!!!:D it would be fantastic!!! i want it so bad if i could i would give myself cancer!!

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  2. as for the esphoagus thing..well im not sure i wouldnt want to tell my family either maybe it wasnt it might have just been food sometimes it happens to me too and my heart kinda hearts i think it could just be heart burn?

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