Because I do love myself.. A little bit, and I love my eating disorder..
I squash it a lot but then I get told something else that triggers. Then squash then trigger. I am forever playing Russian roulette. I am bugged by it so much. I just want to be an anorexic but I am bulimic and I know what to do to be anorexic but no matter how Ana I am I eat then I'm bulimic. That fast. The grass is always greener on the other side though right? But its wrong I don't want recovery I want thinness. You know what I need? A douche bag guy to tell me whats wrong with me. Or to fall in love then have a bad break up. Not one that boosts my confidence.. Guys trigger me to be thin.. Family triggers me to eat.. Then my head tells me to throw up. The fact that I understand why is recovery. But I keep on living with it makes and it make me happy, I love it because its part of me. So I love me.
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